Catching Up

So, you know it's been a long time between posts when you can't log into your Blog because you've forgotten both your username AND password. Sorry to all 2 of you who have been inquiring where I've been, but I never feel like I have anything interesting to write about, altough I know that's probably not true, as stupid stories and strange events seem to follow me where ever I go. I'm just lazy I guess.

So, lots going on lately. I just returned from an amazing weekend at a dude ranch. I had such a great time and it reminded me SO much of Waunita Hot Springs Ranch, where Wes and Joetta took us in June of 1980. It took me 27 years to return to a Dude Ranch but it was worth the wait. We stayed in the most amazing log cabin with the most amazing view and had the most amazing cowboys and wranglers to joke about with (and stare at). To spend a weekend in a luxurious log cabin with a mountain view and then have to come home to a dumpy duplex with a view of the Polka Hall across the street was a rude slap back into reality.

So my mom is hanging in there. She is very confused and her dementia is definitely getting worse. My sister and I have decided we need to write a book entitled "Hospice Humor." We believe it would be a best seller. It's very weird, how, in the face of death, you can still find something to laugh about. I guess you have to. Mom is very confused about the time of day. She is very annoyed at the kitchen for bringing her broccoli and a chicken breast at BREAKFAST. Then she is even more annoyed when the other old ladies, who still have some of their faculties, inform her that it is dinner, not breakfast, thus the brocolli and chicken breast. So mom then retorts, "Well thanks for TELLING me," in a voice that I believe she means to sound sarcastic, but only sounds sincerely grateful, which in turn makes the old ladies want to continue to tell her what meal it is. Mom tells me this on the phone. "These old women here think they need to tell me what meal it is. They must think I'm stupid." But yet she orders coffee and toast at dinner. You gotta laugh to keep from crying.

Last week she called my sister on the phone. This was a surprise to everyone since she has forgotten how to answer the phone and instead, we believe, is answering the television remote control. This makes getting a hold of her very difficult, as you might imagine. So, she calls my sister and says, "I've decided I've had enough. I don't want to do this any more."

My sister is silent, thinking that Mom has had a moment of lucidity and understands her situation and is giving us "instruction" on what she wants. "You don't want to do what, any more, Mom?" my sister asks.

"I don't want to fold these towels any more," my mom answers. "Or put up my clothes. I just don't want to do it any more." Then she adds, "Well I guess I've really cheered up your day." Like this is the worse news my sister could have received.

My sister said that mom reiterated that same theme twice more this weekend when she stated, "I think I'm going to turn in my resignation" and "I guess it's time to call it quits." It's as if she understands what is happening to her but can't quite articulate it, so the only thing her brain can come up with are cliches that describe what she's feeling. That's our interpretation anyway. If that is true, then the human spirit and mind is more complicated and mysterious and amazing then we can ever comprehend. It is my sincerest wish to be there with her in the end, holding her hand, like I did with Madge. It was a blessing yet a curse, because I can never get that moment out of my mind.

At the ranch this weekend there was an 89-year old woman that rode a horse for the first time since she was 6 years old. That means the last time she had ridden was in 1926. Pretty amazing.