Sometimes you just have to fake it.

And so this is Christmas, and what have you done?

I'll tell you what I've done. I've been too lazy to dig through my guest bedroom closet to find the Christmas boxes and set up my Christmas Tree. So, instead, I've created a pseudo holiday tree out of a silk plant a friend gave me that was leftover from a craft fair. Lame? Yes. Functional? Indeed. So, there's my Colorado Christmas tree.

Tomorrow I will head to Texas where a real tree, of the 10-foot variety, awaits me at my sister's house. Christmas officially begins when I get home to Texas and start baking with my sister while sipping wine from ridiculously large wine glasses. Goblets, really, like medieval times. This will be followed by some Christmas flamenco music played by my nephew, who has become obsessed with flamenco guitar and who has grown his left thumb nail longer than any woman's, all the better to pluck the strings wildly in true flamenco fashion. True, the kid has zero Spanish/Latin blood in his veins but he plays a mean guitar. I'm looking foward to hanging with the kids and family and having tamales and tacos for Christmas Eve's dinner with cousins (a new family tradition, as old ones have sadly been left behind).

I had a dream the other night...that Wes drove me to my house in Santa Fe so I could retrieve something from my bedroom. I opened the door to find the Murphys sitting in my den and then realized it was now THEIR den, not mine. I dreamt I forgot we sold the house. I think that's my brain's way of gently reminding me that this time when I go home, things are going to be very different. When I drive to Santa Fe I will visit Auntie and park in her driveway, not mine, and I will not be able to cross that yard as I have done so many times before and enter the house of my childhood. That house represents home for me and it will be very odd not to be able to go inside.

But, although that looms in my mind, I am excited to get home to my sister's house and spend time with family and be around people that understand me. A couple of things have happened this week, just small things, but things that make me realize I am surrounded by people here that don't know me like other people know me. Little jokes I make that people take seriously, little eyebrow movements meant to subtly convey one thing, yet are met with questioning looks ('does she have an eye tick? What's wrong with her?'). So, I will be glad to get home to people that understand my jokes and weird eyebrow movements. It's the little things, people.

Happy Holidays to anyone who reads this, IF anyone reads this :)