Spurts of Happiness

Today something quaint happened to me while driving across town for a meeting. I experienced several unexplained spurts of happiness for no reason. Admittedly, the radio was playing some great music (Shadows of the Night by Pat Benetar was one of them) and it was a gorgeous day. Lots of snow on the Peak, big blue sky. Maybe it was a combination of the music and the weather, but I felt happy. And I don't mean happy, like in a good mood, I mean deep-in-your bones happy. I've had this sadness surrounding me for nearly a year that I can't attribute to any one thing and it's nothing to get excited about, just this blue feeling I haven't been able to escape. And today those intensely, happy white moments were in sharp contrast to the blue streak I've been living in. For a few seconds each time, I just felt not only content, but blissful, hopeful. And then they disappeared and I was just driving down the road again. But a few minutes later it came back again and then dissipated once again. Not sure what to do with it, but it sure felt nice for those few seconds. They were certainly monumental enough that I realized they were happening. Now if I could harness those seconds and stretch them out to months, I'd be onto something.

I've been reading this book called "New Earth." I can't decide if it's New Age mumbo-jumbo or really worthy of discussion. But I can only wonder if those few moments I felt today were spurts of living in the moment, of forgetting your ego, your worry about bills, about having only a job and no career, of not knowing your purpose in life, of feeling very middle-aged with few accomplishments, blah blah blah. Perhaps for those white moments I was able to discard the ego and just Be. I can only guess what that must feel like, that letting go feeling. I think it must feel very white. I can't begin to understand what one must do to harness those moments and live in the moment all the time, to discard the ego, to Be. Perhaps it only takes practice. Perhaps the pursuit of those white moments IS what life is all about. Not so much about achieving them, but pursuing them.

Deep, I know. It's late and my mind is sleepy.